I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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