Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
