the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
