HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
