Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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