i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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