Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
