i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
