I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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