Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
