Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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