I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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