can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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