Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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