How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
