I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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