You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
