I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
