1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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