He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
