she sounds like chewbacca in bed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
