i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
