6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
