which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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