If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
