Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
