Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
