Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
