I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
