It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
