I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
