walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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