Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
