Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
