I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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