At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
