Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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