Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
