They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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