She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
