I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
