I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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