Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can i not drive my cunt home
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
