Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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