he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
