I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
