Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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