he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
