I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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