Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
