I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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