why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
