question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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