Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
