it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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