you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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