Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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