Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
