The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
then he tried to convert me to islam
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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