i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
