apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
