i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
