Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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