Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
