If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
