i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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