If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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