That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
