Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
