The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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