I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
